The Confidence Investment: Why I Got Plastic Surgery and Dyed My Own Hair Before Job Searching (And Why I'm Not Ashamed)

Career

Oct 30

Tuesday, I not only lost my job, but I also had a haircut. This Friday, I'm dyeing it myself—a DIY confidence ritual before heading to Grace Hopper Celebration next week. Photos to come later. These small investments in how I present myself have become part of my pre-conference preparation. Even a job loss didn’t stop me from taking care of myself.

But before any of this? I had plastic surgery. Spent thousands of dollars to change something about my appearance that bothered me for years.

I'm a software engineer working on my master's degree in AI/ML. I've mentored FIRST Robotics teams for a decade. I've worked at Boeing and IBM. I should be confident based on my resume alone, right?

But that's not how confidence works. And I'm done pretending that caring about how I present myself professionally is somehow shallow or anti-feminist.

This is going to be controversial. But it needs to be said.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Appearance and Career Success

Let's get the hard part out of the way first: appearance matters in professional settings. Not because it should. Not because it's fair. But because humans are visual creatures who make snap judgments based on how people present themselves.

Studies consistently show that people who present themselves confidently get better job offers, negotiate higher salaries, and advance faster in their careers. And a huge part of presenting confidently is feeling good about how you look.

I've watched this play out over four previous Grace Hopper Celebrations. Year one, I showed up feeling like I was playing dress-up in someone else's professional life. Now, heading into my fifth GHC next week, I walk into rooms differently—not because my technical skills improved that dramatically, but because I finally invested in feeling like I belong there.

And part of that investment was plastic surgery.

Confidence and Imposter Syndrome: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Here's something most people don't talk about: confidence and imposter syndrome often go hand in hand. They're not opposites—they're dance partners that take turns leading.

You can invest in building confidence while still experiencing imposter syndrome. You can feel like you belong in a room while simultaneously questioning whether you deserve to be there. You can present yourself with authority while internally wondering if everyone can tell you're faking it.

The work I've done on my confidence—therapy, professional development, yes, even plastic surgery—hasn't eliminated my imposter syndrome or anxiety. I continue to work within it, learning to function despite it rather than waiting for it to disappear. When that voice in my head says "you don't belong here," I can point to tangible evidence of my investment in being here: my education, my experience, my preparation, and yes, the fact that I took the time to feel good about how I present myself.

Confidence doesn't cure imposter syndrome. It just gives you the armor to keep moving forward anyway.

My Journey: When Insecurity Costs You Opportunities

For years, I had a physical feature that bothered me. I'm not going to specify what it was because that's not the point—the point is that every time I looked in the mirror, I saw it. Every time I was in a professional photo, I focused on it. Every time I walked into a networking event or an interview, part of my mental energy was consumed by self-consciousness about it.

Let me be clear: nobody else probably noticed or cared. But I noticed. And that constant background noise of insecurity affected how I showed up professionally.

I can point to specific opportunities I didn't pursue because I wasn't confident enough:

The conference speaking applications I submitted twice—both rejected, and I let that rejection confirm my insecurities instead of applying again
The networking events I left early because I felt self-conscious
The informational interviews I never requested because I didn't feel "put together" enough
The promotion conversation I delayed because I didn't feel like I looked like a senior engineer

These weren't conscious thoughts like "I can't do this because of how I look." They were subtle, insidious doubts that added up to professional self-sabotage.

While I was busy being self-conscious, I was missing opportunities. While I was focused on what I thought was wrong with my appearance, I wasn't focusing on my technical skills, my contributions, or my potential.

The Decision: Treating It Like a Business Investment

When I finally decided to have plastic surgery, I approached it the way I'd approach any major investment—with a cost-benefit analysis.

The Cost:

Significant financial investment (thousands of dollars)
Recovery time (time away from work and activities)
Physical discomfort during healing
Potential medical risks
Social judgment from people who don't understand

The Benefit:

Elimination of a constant source of insecurity
Mental energy freed up to focus on actual professional development
Increased confidence in professional settings
Willingness to pursue opportunities I'd been avoiding
Better body language and presence in interviews and networking

For me, the calculation was clear. The cost was high but finite. The benefit was potentially career-changing and permanent.

I wasn't trying to become conventionally beautiful or conform to someone else's standards. I was trying to remove a distraction that was preventing me from showing up as my full self professionally.

So I did it. And I'm not ashamed of that decision.

Addressing the Criticism (Because I Know It's Coming)

"Appearance Shouldn't Matter"

You're right. It shouldn't. In an ideal world, we'd all be evaluated purely on our skills, experience, and contributions.

But we don't live in that world. We live in a world where studies show that taller people earn more, conventionally attractive people get more job offers, and people who present themselves confidently are assumed to be more competent.

I can either be angry about that reality or I can work within it while advocating for change. I choose both.

Also—who says I did this for others? The feature that bothered me was something I saw every day. The person I needed to feel confident for was me.

"That's So Shallow"

Shallow assumes my self-worth was tied to my appearance. It wasn't.

I had already done years of therapy. I continue to work on imposter syndrome, anxiety, and the various mental health challenges that come with being underrepresented in tech. I've built genuine confidence in my technical abilities and professional value—not by "working through" these challenges as if they're gone, but by learning to function alongside them.

But I still had this one thing that bothered me every time I looked in a mirror. Having plastic surgery didn't give me self-worth—it removed a distraction that was preventing me from fully accessing the confidence I'd already built.

Think of it this way: I also had my teeth whitened and adjusted for better alignment. Nobody calls that shallow. It's just considered normal professional grooming. The only difference with plastic surgery is more recovery time and higher cost. The principle is the same—fixing something about your appearance that bothers you.

These investments have brought me happiness that is deep, not shallow, because I've already done the internal work and continue to do so. I'm losing weight to be healthier. I had my teeth whitened and adjusted for size to be more balanced. I had plastic surgery to make my outside look more how I want it to. The external changes just align my appearance with how I want to present myself to the world.

"You're Perpetuating Harmful Beauty Standards"

I had plastic surgery for myself, not to conform to anyone else's standards.

The feature that bothered me wasn't something anyone else commented on. It wasn't preventing me from being conventionally attractive. It was just something that didn't feel like me when I looked in the mirror.

Feminism should include the right to make choices about your own body for your own reasons. If someone chooses not to wear makeup, great. If someone chooses to have cosmetic procedures, also great. The key is agency and autonomy.

I'm not telling you to get plastic surgery. I'm telling you that I did, and it was the right choice for me.

"Just Be Confident As You Are"

People love to say this, but they don't apply it consistently.

We don't say "just be confident with stained teeth" to someone who gets them whitened. We don't say "just be confident in sweatpants" to someone who invests in professional attire. We don't say "just be confident without skills" to someone who goes to graduate school.

We understand that people make investments in themselves to feel more confident. Plastic surgery is just one option in that toolkit—an option that happens to involve more recovery and expense than others.

It's the same principle, just more recovery and more expensive. I had a piece of how I looked that I didn't like, I had it fixed.

For me, it was worth it. For you, it might not be. And both choices are valid.

It's Not Just About Physical Appearance

Here's what people miss when they focus only on the plastic surgery: it was one piece of a much larger confidence investment strategy.

My complete confidence portfolio includes:

Mental Health:

Regular therapy to continue working with imposter syndrome
Anxiety management strategies
Building resilience and self-advocacy skills

Professional Development:

Working on my master's degree in AI/ML (currently in progress)
Conference attendance and networking
Continuing to apply for speaking opportunities despite rejections
Technical skill building

Physical Investments:

Wardrobe that makes me feel professional and comfortable
Hair care routines that work for me (including DIY dye jobs)
Fitness for health and energy (though my health issues mean this isn't always possible)
Yes, plastic surgery for that one persistent insecurity

Communication Skills:

Learning to sell my abilities effectively
Practicing confident body language
Developing my professional voice
Being proud of my ability to learn rather than ashamed of not already knowing

The plastic surgery wasn't a magic bullet. It was one component of a comprehensive strategy to show up as my most confident professional self.

The Days When Nothing Works

Let me be honest about something else: even with all these investments, there are days when confidence feels impossible.

My health issues mean some days I can't work out, even though exercise usually helps my mental state. My anxiety sometimes makes professional development feel like a self-worth spiral instead of an empowering activity. There are days when looking in the mirror, even post-surgery, triggers insecurity.

The key is having multiple tools in your confidence toolkit. When one isn't working, you can reach for another. When physical confidence is low, lean into your technical competence. When imposter syndrome is screaming, remind yourself of concrete achievements.

Some confidence investments are easier than others. The key is to do what you can to feel like you invested in yourself. There are days my health issues mean I can't work out. Sometimes my anxiety makes professional development or skills development take me into a self-worth spiral—the opposite of the goal.

Confidence isn't a destination you reach and stay at forever. It's a practice you maintain with the tools that work for you.

Confidence at Conferences: A Special Challenge

Conferences like Grace Hopper present unique confidence challenges. You're in rooms with thousands of incredible women. The comparison trap is everywhere. It's easy to look around and think everyone else is more accomplished, more confident, more deserving of being there.

Why does confidence matter more at conferences? Because you are in rooms with thousands of incredible women. Comparison is common, but it causes you to lose connection with yourself and your sense of how great you are.

This is where my confidence investments pay off most visibly. When I feel good about how I present myself—hair freshly cut and dyed, outfit on point, makeup applied, body language confident—I can focus on the actual purpose of being there: learning, networking, and building professional relationships.

Without that foundation of physical confidence, part of my brain would be occupied with:

Wondering if people are judging my appearance
Comparing myself to other attendees
Second-guessing whether I look "professional enough"
Avoiding photos and networking opportunities

With that foundation in place, I can:

Actually listen in conversations instead of being self-conscious
Introduce myself to senior engineers without hesitation
Ask questions in sessions without worrying about judgment
Follow up on connections instead of assuming people won't remember me

The investment in confidence translates directly to better conference outcomes.

How to Build Conference-Specific Confidence

Conferences require their own confidence strategy. Here's what I've learned over four previous Grace Hoppers:

Preparation is confidence:

Know your elevator pitch cold
Research companies and people you want to meet
Have questions prepared for networking conversations
Plan your outfits in advance so you feel put-together
Review your accomplishments and why you belong there

Physical preparation matters:

Get enough sleep (exhaustion kills confidence)
Wear comfortable shoes (nothing tanks confidence like foot pain)
Bring snacks and water (hunger and dehydration affect mood)
Have a "confidence outfit" you feel great in

Mental preparation is key:

Remind yourself why you're there
Practice introducing yourself
Prepare for imposter syndrome moments
Have responses ready for "what do you do?"

My Pre-Conference Confidence Rituals

Before major professional events, I have specific rituals:

The Week Before:

Schedule hair appointment (like I did Tuesday)
Plan outfits and make sure everything fits well
Review my elevator pitch and professional talking points
Update my resume and LinkedIn
Practice confident body language in the mirror (yes, really)

The Day Before:

Get adequate sleep (this matters more than people think)
Lay out outfits for each day
Prepare my bag with business cards, phone charger, water bottle
Review the conference schedule and identify priority sessions
Remind myself of my accomplishments and why I belong there

The Morning Of:

Take time with hair and makeup
Wear something that makes me feel professional and comfortable
Practice power poses (the science is mixed, but it helps my mindset)
Text friends for encouragement
Tell myself: "You belong here. You have value to offer."

These rituals aren't magic, but they create a foundation of confidence that carries through challenging moments.

Confidence Investments for Every Budget

Not everyone can afford plastic surgery, and that's completely okay. Confidence building looks different for everyone and can happen at every price point.

Free Confidence Builders:

Practice confident body language (shoulders back, chin up, take up space)
Daily affirmations about your professional value
Telling yourself why specific parts of you are great
YouTube tutorials for makeup, hair styling, interview prep
LinkedIn learning and free online courses
Networking through online communities
Mock interviews with friends
Modifying your body language (fake it until you make it)

Low-Cost Investments ($0-$100):

Professional headshot (often free through company or university)
Basic wardrobe updates from thrift stores
Toastmasters or public speaking groups
Library books on confidence and negotiation
Basic grooming (haircut at a training salon, etc.)
Fitness through free YouTube workouts or running
DIY hair dye (like I'm doing Friday)

Medium Investments ($100-$1000):

Professional wardrobe pieces
Quality haircut and color
Communication or interview coaching
Online courses in your field
Conference attendance (many offer scholarships)
Gym membership or fitness classes
Therapy (with sliding scale or insurance)

High-Cost Decisions ($1000+):

Graduate degree or certifications
Extensive therapy or coaching
Professional photography package
Plastic surgery or cosmetic procedures
Major wardrobe overhaul
Conference travel and attendance

The key is doing what you can, with what you have, right now. Every small investment in your confidence compounds over time.

The Results: How Confidence Changed My Career

I can draw a direct line between investing in my confidence and specific career opportunities.

Before confidence investments:

Applied for speaking opportunities and let rejections confirm my insecurities
Avoided selling my abilities effectively
Left networking events early because I felt self-conscious
Applied only to jobs where I exceeded qualifications
Felt ashamed when I didn't know answers instead of being proud of my ability to learn

After confidence investments:

Applied to and started my master's degree in AI/ML
Continue applying for speaking opportunities despite rejections
Got paid the highest of level 1 software engineers at Boeing because I sold my abilities and how niche the overlap was in a new grad
Answer "I don't know that answer, but I'm confident I can learn and figure it out" with genuine pride in my learning ability
Network proactively at events
Started this blog and Instagram to share my journey

The confidence to say "I don't know, but I can learn" changed everything. Instead of being ashamed of gaps in my knowledge, I became proud of my ability to figure things out. That shift—from shame to pride—came from the confidence work I'd done.

The Lazy River Story

Let me tell you about how I got my most recent role at Spice Labs (which ended this Tuesday), because it perfectly illustrates why confidence matters.

I was chatting with someone in a lazy river, casually talking about what we do. I wasn't networking intentionally—I was just being myself, confident in my abilities and unashamed to talk about my work.

Because I fit a need and I had the abilities, I got the job. But here's the thing: I got that job because I could sell myself. I talked about my skills, my experience, and what I bring to the table without apologizing or downplaying my capabilities.

The confidence to have that casual conversation, to sell my abilities without feeling like I was bragging, to believe that I had value to offer—all of that came from the work I'd done on myself.

Similarly, at Boeing, I got paid the highest salary of level 1 software engineers during my time there because I sold my abilities and how niche the overlap was in a new grad. I didn't apologize for what I was worth. I didn't feel grateful just to be considered. I knew what I brought to the table, and I made sure they knew it too.

That's what confidence does: it allows you to see your own value clearly and communicate it effectively.

Why I'm Talking About This Publicly

I know this post will generate criticism. Some people will think I'm superficial. Others will think I'm perpetuating harmful standards. Some will miss the point entirely and focus only on the plastic surgery part.

But I'm sharing this because I wish someone had given me permission to invest in myself this way earlier in my career. I wish someone had told me that caring about your appearance doesn't make you less of a feminist or less serious about your technical work.

I wasted years of professional opportunities because I was too self-conscious to put myself out there. If this post helps even one person recognize that investing in confidence—whatever that looks like for them—is a legitimate professional strategy, it's worth the criticism.

The Bottom Line

Confidence is currency in professional settings. It affects how you show up, how you advocate for yourself, how you pursue opportunities, and how others perceive your competence.

Building confidence looks different for everyone. For me, it included therapy, working on my master's degree, professional development, and yes, plastic surgery.

These investments aren't shallow. They're strategic decisions about how I show up in high-stakes professional environments.

Your confidence investments might look completely different from mine. Maybe it's therapy and communication coaching. Maybe it's a new wardrobe and DIY hair dye (like I'm doing Friday). Maybe it's physical fitness and public speaking practice.

The point isn't the specific investments—it's recognizing that investing in your confidence is investing in your career. And there's nothing shameful about that.

Take Action

As I head into my fifth Grace Hopper Celebration next week—hair freshly cut, DIY dye job coming Friday, confidence rituals in place—I'm more prepared than I've ever been. Not just technically, but personally.

What's your confidence investment going to be?

Maybe it's finally scheduling that therapy appointment you've been putting off. Maybe it's buying that professional outfit that makes you feel powerful. Maybe it's signing up for a public speaking course or joining a professional organization. Maybe it's practicing saying "I don't know, but I'm confident I can figure it out" with pride instead of shame.

Whatever it is, I want to hear about it. Drop a comment below about one thing you're going to do to invest in your confidence. No judgment, no competition—just honest reflection about what will help you show up as your most powerful professional self.

And if you want more resources on building confidence for career success, join my email list. I'm building a toolkit of confidence strategies for tech professionals at every budget level.

Because you deserve to show up as the confident, capable professional you are. And if investing in yourself helps you get there, do it. Unapologetically.

Connect with me on LinkedIn or follow @code_with_kate for more real talk about confidence, career development, and navigating tech as an underrepresented professional. See you at Grace Hopper.

Kate Emery